Somewhere
I wondered where it had all vanished in the midst of all the chaos that ensued.
I was witnessing the death of everything that was ever stood for.
In
the very first week, the nightmares had started, the never ending nightmares
that gave me a cold sweat every now and then. I was a victim of the mockery
that was made by society. I had to give in to the system which was more savage on
the inside than on the outside. It felt like irrespective of the periodic change
in seasons, I was going to rot here.
Ryan
had mentioned about it once on one of our treks. It was an unbearable sunny day
when we decided to make a climb on one of the grim peaks about a 100 miles from
the city. Why did I have to digress right there I wonder. Why did I have to
bring Ryan into this. Would it be safe to assume that one thing lead to the
other and I subsequently did what ended up being unfortunately done? These thoughts are going
to stay with me forever.
I
do not remember if I was told by someone or I read it somewhere that excesses
are going to harm me someday. That is sometimes how you ponder upon axioms, you
do not really remember from where they got stuck to you & with the current predicament
that I seem to be in, it seems apt.
I
was snoring on the wheel the moment I rammed my car. I could hear myself
snoring the moment I heard the thud made from the car and the scream from Ryan.
I had taken one drink too many that night on the eve of my Birthday. I could
neither fathom the gravity of the condition that I was in nor could I do
anything post the impact. If I had just been a little thoughtful about Ryan
travelling with me that night, I would not have been where I am. I still count
days and they seem too many. I have let down everyone. I am sorry Ryan, it did
not have to end this way. My birthday did not have to be the day you stopped
breathing.
I
breathe the air in cell 1412 today. I miss life & everything associated
with it
